taaa daaa!!!!
Posted by dapaowang at 02:56 AM on March 31, 2005.
Guess what, the sexy me is back in action... that's right, I'm the sexy Steven Lim, star actor on true files and crime watch and whatever low-down show the crappy channel 5 can show.....
For more details abt me and my adorable sexy personality, pls visit my website at www.stevenlim.net
Anyway let me give u all a lowdown on my life story.... Be prepared to read with a lot of tissue paper cos u will no doubt start crying...
Right, so i was this young man who was like damn skinny last time. When i was in primary school, all the kids used to hate me cos i had this kinda super big head. And i mean big not in the big like watermelon big.... but well, maybe big as in Amy Yip's breast big..... talking about Amy Yip, I used to carry a file to school with her picture on it and everyone used to laugh at me. I din really understand back then why they called me names like pervert and psycho until i realised that the picture was taken from a classic scene in the movie "Sex and the Big-breasted woman in the sexy city"..... turns out it was one of those classic shows where Amy Yip showed her breast to the whole world for like 4 hours and 27 mins and 56 seconds... never knew kids back then knew so much about Amy Yip.... but well yeah, it never looked back then.... I was a big head with a perverted looking file and so i was inscribed with the nickname of big head skinny pervert loser in primary school. Well i got by, fortunately.... with a PSLE score of like 360...... yeah i was a genius.... or rather i liked to think i was one. In fact I am still one.....
So well yeah..... i got my silly perky ass into secondary school... it was tough, my head got bigger and bigger but my penis started shrinking for no reason...... I decided to join the NCC to prove to the world my head could fit into a normal beret (I was proven wrong by the way), so yeah, while the rest of the boys marched around in berets that were smartly folded to the extent it could even hide their eyes and block their vision, i marched around all day with a helmet. Yeah, u know those world war 2 kinda helmet u see in saving private ryan? yep thats the one.... I actually thot it was kinda cool back then..... and it kinda turned me on really.... i would get an erection everyday when i wore the helmet, nvm, more on the helmet next time.... so well, yeah, i thot joining NCC would boost my ego and stuff and allow me to fit in with the normal fabrics of society.... but well, I was wrong... the boys hated me and I was always called big head helmet and stuff... sighzzz, shall not elaborate on that.. it makes me wanna dance around like a mad man to the music of some cheesy taiwan singer's song.....
What I could never understand was why pple in polytechnic were so bad to me.... I never really could figure out why even though i tried to wear the nicet clothes i had, nobody seemed to like me. Well, although there was like this girl who had like 4 eyes and 5 nostrils and 10 mouths..... she generally liked me a lot cos she said I looked like her. I was pretty happy with that actually, first time in my life that a girl said that to me. We started going out and it din last long. But it was a memorable 10 seconds. We talked at the bus stop and broke up cos she noticed that I was still wearing my smart looking world war 2 helmet at the bus stop. Well, the flash clip u see on my website, yep thats for her. I tried to draw her as properly as I could but my computer skills were kinda lousy as my head was so big they made me sit right at the back of the class last time in computer class in case i block anyone's view. So i din really learn much from that class..... but i did however have a good time jacking off to gay porn at the back of the classroom... shh, dun tell anyone I did that. I still have some gay video in that helmet of mine.....
Well after polytechnic, I realised that I would make it big as a street performer somehow.... it was not going to be an easy route but given my big head, i figured i would have not much of a problem.... besides, all it takes for me to perform is to dance around like some mad man, strip off to my yellow speedo and expect people to applause me for my valiant efforts to appear both gay and stupid.... i mean, how difficult could that get???
So yeah, here I am now.... I dun want to tell anyone about my experiences in the army... sobzzz, those were terrible days.... I dun want to go back there again.... Thinking about those dark days really makes me wanna pose naked now... I guess I shall just strip off my yellow speedos (wait a min, I'm not wearing anything now actually).... oh well yeah.... now all i need is just a fren who is stupid enough to take a picture of me with my penis folded into my asshole, my stomach tucked in by breathing in real deep and smiling with a cheesy smile with my big head bent low.... hmm, anyone out there wanna help me? I'll pay u by giving you an advertisement space on my website!!! And I'll give u some photos of me in really cheesy positions like buck naked with my penis folded into my asshole..... By the way, just for the record, I shave my pubes. I think they make me look really sexy.... next up, I should be saving my eyebrows too.... think I've had enuff of eyebrow plucking nowadays... shall advocate some eyebrow shaving on the streets next time. I'm sure I will make the papers headlines again....
Tee heee heee..... So long and bye bye, Steven Lim signing off
ps, I am so handsome, if you see me on my phantom with my world war 2 helmet, you would probably convulse and die in spasms... just like how i murdered that guy when i was the leading actor in crime watch....
And hey did i tell anyone i am going to appear in PCK private limited???? Yes I really am!!! They are choping off my penis to make PCK's new mole and they robbed me of my yellow speedos to make PCK's new boots.... so rem to check me out on TV ok pple. Love you all
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note: the above is purely fictional. Any conicidences or whatsoever, ple refer to Steven Lim's website. Besides I dun give a fuck whether i gave a suitable reflection of his life. This post stems from my deep hatrd and irritated-ness of that fucker. Ok, on second thoughts, I dun hate him. He probably hates me more cos i have ugly eyebrows.